I want to start off by saying that nothing is wrong with me (or you) for never having been in a romantic relationship. No one should feel bad about something that is a part of your life. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m not ashamed to say it. And I know that there are plenty of people who are in the same boat as me. There’s definitely and lot of pressure around dating and having experience.
Twenty is a very young age. About the age of 13-18 is around the time most people I know had their first relationship. During that time I was doing what children do; I went to school, played sports, and hung out with my friends. There’s so many expectations put on children. If I would’ve started dating at 13, I would’ve been labled as “fast’ or “promiscuous” . At 17 is was a great thing that I never had a boyfriend and that I was young and had time. Now that I’m 20 the narrative has changed. I’m considered stuck up and my standards are “too” high. When in reality, I just haven’t found a guy that I click with. I’m not willing to settle or sacrifice certain things just for the sake of having a boyfriend.
The truth is that I am 100% content with being single. I love myself. I see a partner as an “extra”. That bothers people who get their validation from their significant other. That’s the reason you always see certain people jump from relationship to relationship and they can’t ever be single. When you love yourself, you take the time to find the right person who will love you the way you love yourself. Some of us are really lucky and find that person right away. But for most of us it will take time.
When you first start dating young, you don’t even know enough about yourself to truly make those kinds of decisions. That’s why I date myself. I put all my love and time into creating my best self.
I often see people like me get criticized by our peers for “lack of experience”. And I hated that my worth as a young woman, a human being, had been reduced to a single part of me. No, I haven’t experienced the ups and downs of dealing with a romantic partner, but that doesn’t invalidate my other experiences. I don’t lack experience, I simply have different ones. I used to let the opinions of others bother me, but now I refuse to give that kind of power to other people.
The guy I wanted at 15 is not the same guy I would choose for myself right now. I took the time to develop myself, to invest in myself, so that I know exactly what kind of man I deserve and what I am looking for in a romantic partner. And if I never find him, that’s okay. I can only control my actions. I will lead a happy and fulfilled life no matter what. We control the type of energy and people we let into our life.
You might often hear that “nobody will want someone with no experience”, but would you really want to be with someone who judged you in that way? You should side eye people who say things like this and make other judgements. It’s all projection. Keep being your best self, keep loving yourself, and people who love you will come.